Tag: Last War: Survival

I have been in this city for a long time, so long that I almost forgot why I came here in the first place. I used to be very young, with some naive and unrealistic dreams, as if everything could become beautiful from this moment. I used to think that life can be planned, love can be found, and even all the suffering and misfortune can fade with the passage of time. However, reality always teaches you a lesson, telling you that all the beliefs and expectations will eventually turn into a breeze and dissipate in the air.

That day I sat in a cafe with him, the aroma of coffee lingered in the air, and the people around me talked and laughed, as if everything was so natural. However, I could never find a trace of warmth in my heart. He wore a simple white shirt, with clear eyebrows and eyes, and didn’t talk much, but he always had something to say. Such people often make people feel an unconscious sense of dependence. I once thought that such a man might be able to give me a future different from others.

However, time passed quickly, and I gradually found that he was always late, no one answered the phone, and the agreed things were often changed. He said he was busy, so busy that he had no time to care about anyone, and even too busy to see himself. I understand that in this city, being busy is the norm, and everyone has to deal with pressure from all sides, especially people like him who seem to have achieved some success in their careers. However, behind the busyness is endless emptiness, loneliness that dare not face, and the increasingly unspeakable pain of those emotions hidden deep in the heart.

One day, I suddenly received a call from him, saying that he had something to do and had to go out of town for a while and might not come back. I sat in front of the window, listening to the cold voice on the other end of the phone, watching the people rushing by on the street, and felt an unspeakable loss in my heart. It was obviously a sunny afternoon, and the sun was pouring in through the glass window, but my heart felt empty, as if all the colors disappeared from my world at that moment. I used to think that this kind of emptiness was only occasional, who knew that it would become the norm in my life.

I began to become more silent, even a little alienated. Every time I communicate with someone, I say polite greetings, but my eyes are always empty, like an image whose edges have been smoothed by time and environment. I walked on the street, listening to the noisy traffic and seeing people’s hurried steps. Suddenly, I felt that everyone in this city was lonely. No one can really get into another person’s heart. Every relationship is just a self-righteous performance, and in the end, only empty echoes are left.

Sometimes, I think, if I don’t expect anything anymore, will I no longer feel lost? But I am unwilling to do so. Everyone has a place in their heart that they dare not face, which is the weakest and most vulnerable corner. We often try to cover it up, trying to make it look strong and perfect, and even declare to the outside world that we are mature and rational enough. However, only we know how that fragility is like an invisible thread, quietly pulling our emotions and influencing our lives.

He left, the person who once brought me warmth and expectations, like a gust of wind, left quietly. I tried to let it go, but I knew I couldn’t do it. Maybe we are just passers-by in each other’s lives after all. Although I have tried to integrate myself into his world and try to understand his busyness and indifference, in the end, I am still powerless to change anything.

I no longer force anything, and life seems to have returned to peace. Every day, I still live step by step, eating, working, going home, and sleeping, as if everything has returned to the starting point. I began to like this kind of life without waves, at least there is no more annoying concern, at least every night when I go to bed, I will no longer toss and turn thinking about whether he has come back or whether he has missed me. Yes, I will no longer wait. I suddenly realized that perhaps love itself is like a beautiful dream, and each of us meets ourselves in this dream.

Sometimes, I will stand in front of the window, looking into the distance, and thinking of those days. Those dreams about youth, about the fantasy of love, about the life that I once hoped for, seem to have quietly disappeared in the passage of time. I think that probably everyone’s life cannot escape such a journey: from enthusiasm to indifference, and then to willing cooling.

Yes, I began to learn to let go and learn to reconcile with myself. It turns out that life does not need too much prosperity and bustle, it only needs a calm heart and inner peace. In this city, although there are still people coming and going and the lights are brilliant, I no longer crave those empty things. I learned to calm myself down, listen to the voice of my heart, understand my loneliness and loss, and learn to reconcile with my past self.

Perhaps, I will continue to be lonely, continue to walk in this world, and continue to experience the warmth and coldness of love and the ups and downs of life. But I know that no matter what the future holds, I will keep a peaceful heart, live comfortably, and live truthfully. Those expectations in the past are no longer important. What is important is that on this long road, I have learned to live with myself and to find my own warmth and peace.